What should I do when I've lost the love for all others in my heart?I don't seem to care enough about other people. Not that I would ever hurt them. But I don't talk to people, try and avoid it all the time. I don't do much in my large amount of free alone time anymore. Hang out on the internet and play video games.
My mom just died in a car accident, dad's been dead since I was 5. I loved her the most of all, but apparently to me not enough.
Miracles have happened in my life where I should've been killed, yet survived. Such as in a car accident, or backflipping off my deck from 20 feet up and landing on my head with no broken neck when I was very young, among many other situations that would've reasonably killed an average human.
At the same time, I've suffered so much even though I'm still "miraculously" alive.
I haven't prayed enough for other people, even though they prayed and have been praying for me, I could've protected my mom with more love in my heart. I know that for a fact.
Beforehand I was anti-social but now I can't even talk to any family or friends at all about anything.
I do want the love and caring and compassion back in my heart, but I don't have any energy. I just want to be selfish but I also want to be selfless. Part of me wants to see destruction sadness and madness. Another wants to live and love.
I can't take prescription drugs made by the oil companies. The oil companies (the few companies that own the major food, media, and medical industries in the US-spreading past our borders as well) are one of the reasons my mother died.
The destruction of our beautiful green earth with the ugly ****ing gray pavement. Contributing to separation and distance between us people and to the earth. Not to mention all the other car accidents, back problems, heart disease, diabetes and obesity. I only suffer from depression and minor back problems personally.
Overdosing on Welbutrin in the past for me was no fun, it showed to me how much of an evil drug it is in comparison to natural drugs. Causing something close to temporary, yes temporary insanity and near death. Even the small prescribed doses still made me feel just a bit different, off, not healthy or normal, as well as no sex drive.
I just don't trust those drugs. They really don't know about long term effects of such things, and look at all the possible side effects from taking them.
I've tried meditation, on and off for years, such as qigong (my current favorite that I'm not practicing) and other methods like TM and yoga but I don't have the strength or energy to even try at this moment or tomorrow or yesterday.
It's almost as if my internal state of being is a reflection of everything in the whole external world. All this pain and suffering and conflict and confusion and selfishness.
Does anybody know the Tool song "I'm praying for mayhem. I'm praying for tidal waves. I want to see the ground give way. I want to watch it all go down...Learn to swim, learn to swim, learn to swim, etc. etc.."
I'm not going to kill myself either just for your information. Tried before but not ever again. I may not be very helpful to the world beyond delivering people their food, but I am forever and always never intentionally acting to harm myself or any living being. Seriously I won't break the law or ever do something that might make another sad.
Besides maybe writing this mess.
But my thoughts such as wishing for mayhem might be bad, I can control my actions but not my thoughts. Trying to meditate or chant something like "Ohm" doesn't help it just aggravates me even more, usually causing me to cry and hate myself and this world even more.
Here I remain, disconnected and energy-less. Stuck in a downward spiral, self defeating beliefs that I and the world will only get worse. That there's nothing I can do about it. Every day that goes by the walls get higher, inside just watching me and the world go down.
Does anybody know the most direct way of becoming one with the universe?
It's like living as a human we're destined to be selfish to an extent. Because of the perceived separation of me and you. I was programmed to take care of me that's what my body needs from me. Yin and Yang fighting and dancing all the time until the end of time. This dualistic way of living is so tiring.
If I were to merge with the universe, if only temporarily, like it has happened to me in the past before I let it all slip away and can't figure out how to do again...perhaps I could learn to be more selfless and loving.
Otherwise I'm just ****ing clueless about what to do.
Huh I wonder if May 21st is Judgement Day. Guess we'll find out soon enough, eh? That's exciting I didn't know that's what people thought. Either way all sorts of cultures point to somewhere around the present moment being a pretty monumental change. I can definitely see everything collapsing the way we're headed. If I'm to be destroyed in a lake of fire that's fine with me I probably deserve it.
Til then thanks everyone except the guy suggesting to buy a gun. I suppose a holistic healer might be the way to try for now, completely forgot about trying natural plants to help.
Answer by Vigilant Eric
relax
then go from there
Answer by The Not-So-Loved Apostle Paul
Buy a gun.... start at the top in the White House, and work your way down.
Answer by Shinigami (FAC)
Pretend you do.
Answer by gfpd_123
Take it the way you feel like it.
Answer by quaz
Tough question !
Could it be you're focusing too much on your own feelings ? Too much into.......yourself ?
None of us is perfect. Though you are correct that being less than perfect SHOULD at the very least concern us. God does command us to be like Him....perfect. So what's the answer ?
God will eventually destroy every sinful (imperfect) person either by natural death or by The Day of Judgment, May 21, 2011. How can anyone escape ?
There is only one way. BEG for mercy !!! Believe the warning about Judgment Day ! It may be that God will save me....and you.
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